In the Trenches: The Coach as Communicator - Leading with Empathy and Clarity

Coaching isn’t just about forehands and fitness—it’s about communication. And the best coaches understand that what they say, how they say it, and when they say it can make or break an athlete’s growth.

At a recent tournament, I witnessed a college coach respond to a player's double fault with, "That’s the worst set I’ve ever seen you play." The words echoed through the court like a gavel. The player’s performance dropped immediately. Her shoulders slumped, her pace slowed, and her mind spiraled out of the moment. That comment didn’t spark improvement—it froze it.

In another instance, a high school coach berated his team for not cheering after a great shot. The players were confused, even scared. Parents reported feeling that the coach was yelling constantly, overshadowing any teaching moment. These are examples of communication gone wrong, where the coach’s intention doesn’t align with the impact.

Let’s be clear: coaching is not about tearing down—it’s about building up. That doesn’t mean avoiding hard truths. It means delivering them with empathy and purpose.

This year at WCRS, Bunny Bruning’s women’s coaching seminars hit this message hard: coaches are shapers of identity. Her session emphasized the need for encouraging, inclusive language and reinforced that athletes bring their whole selves to the court —
not just their strokes. Coaching must reach that whole person.

One particularly meaningful reminder for me was featured in CoachingSchool.org’s profile of my work titled “Are You That Voice?” The piece highlighted how a single moment of intentional encouragement or honest yet thoughtful feedback can echo in an athlete’s life for years. Being ‘that voice’—one that supports, not tears down—is our real legacy.

Better coaching starts with better communication. Here are three practical strategies to elevate your effectiveness:

1. Use coaching cues, not commands. Instead of, "Fix your toss," say, "Let’s experiment with how your toss height affects the contact point."

2. Lead with curiosity. Ask questions: "What felt off on that rally?" or "What was your intention on that approach shot?"

3. Reinforce effort and learning. Catch your players doing something right—even in failure. Acknowledge hustle, attitude, or adjustments.

Coaches aren’t just gatekeepers to performance. We’re mentors of mindset. If our communication doesn’t develop the person behind the player, we’re failing at our true mission.

Here is a copy of the transcript from the CoachingSchool.org piece “Are You that Voice?” by Gary Avischious.

Are you that voice?

That was the question from a well-dressed woman in her mid-fifties navigating her way through the hibiscus bushes.  It was a question posed to a tennis instructor who had just finished a lesson for a group of young children as she picked up the remaining balls against the fence.

“Are you that voice that I have been hearing?”  “Yes,” replied the instructor, a little reluctantly, feeling like she had been called into the principal’s office, or like someone had been spying on her.  “I wanted to come meet you,” said the woman.  “I wanted to personally come and meet the person behind the voice I have been hearing talk to those children in such a wonderful way.  You encourage them so much.  I can tell that you really care for them.  It’s obvious that you love what you’re doing, and it is so contagious!  I love hearing the way you make learning things fun.  I get excited just listening to you.”

You see, this woman lived within voice distance of the courts where this instructor was giving tennis lessons, but there, the tall hibiscus bushes obscured her view of the public courts.  But she was so compelled by how this instructor treated, valued, and talked to her students that she just had to meet her and thank her.  She wasn’t even a parent of one of the kids.  She was just a neighbor who overheard the joy and creativity that this instructor imparted to her young students.

Coach, have you ever had someone say that after watching your practice?  Why not?  YOU KNOW you really care for the kids you coach.  That you want them to learn.  To get better.  But do your actions always communicate that?  Does your tone of voice warrant that kind of praise?  Why not?  “You don’t know my kids,” you respond.  You’re right.  But should it matter?  What does your tone of voice communicate to your kids?  What does your tone to the kids communicate to their parents?  What does your tone of voice communicate to neighbors or those watching?

A few years ago, I sat next to a gentleman on an airplane who was intrigued by my description of what I do as we traded stories.  His story was the opposite of the woman compelled to thank the tennis instructor.  He and his wife lived in a beautiful house that bordered a park.  It was a beautiful park, and they enjoyed many wonderful Saturday mornings having breakfasts outside on the patio.  That is, until the city started using the park for soccer games.  Their quiet, peaceful patio was in earshot of the soccer games, where week after week they listened to coaches and parents scream at their kids.  He noted that over the years that followed the vocalizations were getting progressively worse.  And they got to such a level that they eventually decided to move.  He said it was so frustrating trying to enjoy a peaceful time outside, interrupted by parents and coaches dropping the f-bomb all too often.

What is the difference between these two stories?  The mindset of the coach.  The first is from a coach who gets it.  A coach who listens to the Coaching Minute and lives it.  A coach who knows how to motivate children.  A coach who knows that if kids like what they’re doing, kids will want to learn more.  And the more they learn, the better they will perform.  A coach who communicates with such passion that neighbors are compelled to meet her and say thank you.

The second story was about a group of adults who can justify any type of behavior and communication, all in the name of winning and performance.  A style that not only turns off kids but compels neighbors to move.

On a continuum between these two stories, where are you?

Coach, you have the power to make an incredible difference in the lives of the kids you coach.  You also have the power to make a difference to their parents.  And without knowing it, you have the power to affect a neighborhood. 

So, to the tennis coach in California, we say thank you and way to go, Susan!  You have not only influenced your kids and neighborhood, but your story has now influenced thousands of coaches in over 25 countries!

Remember, it only takes a minute to make a difference that can last a lifetime.